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Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the...

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Teacher: How can we get some clean water?

Student: Bring the water from the river and wash it.

A: What do you call a deer with no eyes?

B: No idea. (No Eye Deer.)

A: What do you call a dead deer with no eyes?

B: Still no idea.

Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?

A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)

Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

A: An envelope.

Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

A: Wet.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A: A stick.

Q: Where do you find giant snails?

A: On the ends of their fingers. (Giants' nails.)

Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?

A: A stamp.

Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?

A: A blackboard.

Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?

A: Baby elephants.

The First 3 Years of Marriage

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?

A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)

Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors? A: A piano.

Q: What has 6 eyes but can't see? A: 3 blind mice.

Q: Who earns money driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver.

The teacher speaking to a student said, "Saud, name two pronouns." Saud who suddenly woke up, said, "Who, me?"

Teacher: Today, we're going to talk about the tenses. Now, if I say "I am beautiful," which tense is it? Student: Obviously it is the past tense.

Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot? A: A carrot

Three tomatoes are walking down the street, a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. The baby tomato is lagging behind the poppa and momma tomato. The poppa tomato gets mad, goes over to the momma tomato and stamps on him -- (STAMPS on the ground) -- and says: catch up.

One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
A student asked, "What's the matter?"
"Tense," answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused, then continued, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?"

Boyfriend: What is your favorite music group?

Girlfriend: I love U2!

Boyfriend: I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?

One day a man went to see the Mozart's tomb. When he got there, the tomb was open and Mozart was sitting there tearing up pieces of paper. The men asked: "What are you doing with all of your great works of music?" Mozart replied, "I'm decomposing!".